What's in the box?
We all have emotions or experiences we’d rather not face - those uncomfortable moments that we instinctively try to bury deep within ourselves. In our attempt to avoid the pain, we often "push them down" and hope they disappear. But what happens when these feelings start to pile up?
When it comes to dealing with uncomfortable feelings or experiences, many of my clients describe an urge to "push them down", or try to forget about them.
It’s as though, when confronted with emotions or behaviours we’d rather not face, we instinctively look for ways to separate ourselves from them.
I often imagine there’s a little box inside us where we shove all these unpleasant feelings. We cram them in, close the lid tight, and hope they’ll just disappear.
But the truth is, they don’t disappear. Those feelings remain, quietly building up over time.
The more we stuff into the box, the fuller it becomes. Eventually, it gets so full that it begins to burst at the seams, and fragments of these emotions escape to relieve the pressure.
In real life, this might look like snapping at someone unexpectedly or bursting into tears seemingly out of nowhere.
t’s exhausting trying to keep the box closed all the time - especially when we keep adding more to it. This endless cycle of suppression leads to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout. Ironically, we might even try to shove those feelings into the box as well, only to make the load heavier.
So, what can we do about it?
Opening the box and diving into everything inside can feel daunting, overwhelming, or even unsafe. After all, that box has served as a protective mechanism, helping you manage difficult emotions and experiences for years.
Whilst working with a therapist can be incredibly beneficial, there are steps you can take on your own to begin addressing and processing repressed emotions. Healing often starts with acknowledging what you’ve been avoiding and creating a space where those feelings can surface without judgment.
Here are some ways to begin that journey:
🌿 Create a Safe Space for Reflection
Set aside time for yourself in a quiet, comfortable environment where you won’t be disturbed. This could be a cozy corner in your home or even out in nature. The key is to give yourself permission to pause, slow down, and sit with your emotions. Journaling can be a helpful tool here, allowing you to write down whatever comes to mind, no matter how disjointed or unclear it may feel.
🌿 Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is about staying present with your thoughts and feelings without pushing them away. Start by tuning into your body. What sensations are you noticing? Is there tension, heaviness, or discomfort anywhere? This can give you clues about the emotions you've been holding in. By observing these sensations and accepting them as they are, you begin to loosen the hold they have over you.
🌿Name Your Emotions
One powerful step in working through denied emotions is naming them. As you reflect, ask yourself, “What am I really feeling?” Often, we suppress emotions because they seem too big or too overwhelming, but putting a label on them - whether it’s anger, sadness, guilt, or fear—can make them feel more manageable. It also allows you to develop a clearer understanding of what's going on internally.
🌿Allow Yourself to Feel
Once you've identified what you're feeling, give yourself permission to actually feel it. This may seem counterintuitive - especially if you've been avoiding these emotions for a long time - but allowing emotions to surface and be experienced is essential for healing. Let yourself cry, feel frustration, or sit with sadness. The goal isn't to fix the emotion immediately, but to let it run its course, knowing it won't last forever.
🌿Connect with Your Inner Self
When we suppress emotions, we often disconnect from the deeper parts of ourselves. Try reconnecting through practices like meditation, creative expression (such as drawing, music, or movement), or simply taking time for introspection. Ask yourself questions like, "What am I really afraid of?" or "What am I protecting myself from?" Over time, these reflections can lead to a deeper understanding of why you’ve been holding onto certain emotions.
🌿Practice Self-Compassion
It’s important to be gentle with yourself throughout this process. Releasing repressed emotions can be intense and exhausting, and it’s easy to be hard on yourself for not having faced these feelings sooner. Instead, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way and that you’re taking brave steps toward healing.
🌿Set Boundaries with Your Healing
This work doesn’t mean you need to relive past pain all at once. It’s important to set boundaries for yourself, especially if certain memories or emotions feel overwhelming. Take small, safe steps and know that this process can unfold over time. You don’t need to rush.
🌿Be Open to Small Shifts
Healing doesn’t always happen in big, dramatic moments. Often, it’s the small shifts - feeling a little lighter after journaling, or realizing you’ve softened towards a past hurt - that signal progress. Celebrate these small wins, and trust that each step is bringing you closer to emotional freedom.
By taking these steps, you begin the process of unpacking the “box” on your own terms. With patience and consistency, you can start to feel lighter, more connected to yourself, and more at peace with your emotions.
With each new step, you’ll move toward a lighter, brighter future—free from the weight of what’s been hidden in the box.